This was probably one of the easier reads by C.S. Lewis so far in this course. One of the first things that I thought of while reading this essay is that even though woman don't want to admit it, there is a huge difference in the way society looks at us and even the way we look at ourselves compared to our male counterparts. As women we are often seen as weaker, and more dependent when it comes to needing or wanting a spouse. Also, for some reason I feel as if it has been more acceptable for a woman to be cheated on than it is for a woman to cheat. Some may disagree, but usually when a man is cheated on he is supposed to just leave the girl and move on. However, women usually try to forgive and make the relationship work. This is probably to our own stupidity of being afraid of being alone. We receive a very clear sign that a man does not want to be with us, yet we force him to stay and work our the "issues" that caused him to cheat, which we assume is our fault.
I also find that it is very troubling that we want the same out of each other in a relationship. We want honesty and loyalty. Someone who will love us and listen to our hopes and dreams. Yet, we don't look for that, we allow ourselves to be mistreated or to mistreat others because we think that it will make us "happy" or the other person happy.
This is where the issue of divorce comes into play. We think that if our spouse is not meeting our needs, it has nothing to do with how we are treating them or circumstances of our relationship. It is their fault so we will divorce them so that we can be happy. Why is it suddenly ok to break the promise of a marriage vow that has been taken most likely in a church before witnesses and before God. Marriage is a covenant that was given to us that is never to be broken, but all of the sudden divorce is the best solution to everything. We are unhappy so instead of telling our spouse we are not happy, seeking counsel, or praying to God to heal our wounds. We get a divorce and ask for all their money because that will make us more happy that our spouse ever could. In the last paragraph of the text it says "The fatal principle, once allowed in the department, must sooner or later seep through our whole lives." Meaning that if we are willing to break our marriage vows, we are willing to do anything. If we are willing to break a promise we were suppose to fulfill to our death, what makes a person able to say they are trustworthy, or loyal to anything? Even their faith.
This lead to the discussion of repentance, and even though someone has broken their marriage vows, maybe it taught them a lesson and they repented and found grace by God and really have changed their life. That is fantastic, but one also needs to think about the lives that they have influenced before they repented. Maybe the abusive father has a teenage son who watched his mother get hit, so he believes that it is ok for him to strike his girlfriend. Unless the father goes to the son and tells him of the mistakes that he has made, the cycle will still continue. Above all else, we need to be committed and right with God. We are human so of course we will make mistakes and we will sin, but it what we do after we have made that mistake that matters. Are we going to continue to live a life that is sinful that makes us "happy", or are we going to repent and live a life for God that will bring us everlasting joy?
April, nice post! You touched on how we as women are usually the ones who try to build the relationship back up and forgive and how sometimes that is out of our own stupidity of being afraid to be alone. I think that this can be very true. One discussion that I remember having at a sleepover was biggest fears. Every one of my friends said it was being alone. Yet we also talked about how another one of our stupiditys is not sacrificing that fear to our Heavenly Father. When you mentioned how we allow ourselves to be mistreated or to mistreat others all because of happiness, this reminded me of how selfish this whole idea of our 'right to happiness' is.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your summary of how our actions in one aspect of our life evades to the other parts of our life as well. I also liked how we talked we can learn from our mistakes and change. Rehabilitation with repentance. I think its importance to remember that God will forgive and therefore we can also forgive ourselves and yet our actions have consequences and we must be aware how are consequences affect others. We must repent to God and those who we have hurt along the way.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't really thought about the marriage aspect of what Lewis had said, but I agee that divorce has become a positively seen solution when cheating comes along. Marriage does indeed require alot of forgiveness and working out problems is important. It is interesting how things turn out differently depending on who cheats.
ReplyDelete