Lewis very clearly says that those of us who purposefully avoid becoming a Christian are worse off than those who had never had the chance to hear of God's grace. I can think of some different times where I have avoided God, I have stuck my head in the sand. When in high school, and it wasn't cool to act like a Christian. The worst time of my life was when I was deliberately looking on the other side of the road, when God was clearly trying to get my attention.
I had lost my grandfather in a terrible accident, and decided that no God would ever do that to a family like mine. My grandfather had died while working for my father, and for years I watched him blame himself and take his anger out on others because he could not handle the guilt. I was not going to a God who had allowed such terrible things to happen the time of day. I became severely depressed, lived everyday watching my family endure this awful desert. Someone who saw me struggling suggest that I read the book "The Shack" In this book a father looses his daughter to a serial killer, and in his desperate attempt to solve the murder he gets himself into a terrible accident which lands him in a coma. When in a coma he thinks he is spending a weekend with the members of the trinity. God very carefully explains to this grieving father that we begged him for free will ,and because we have the ability to chose for ourselves some people make evil choices. God explains that he does not cause bad things to happen, but he uses the bad things to show us his love for us.
Finally it clicked with me. Yes, I had suffered a terrible loss, but look at what my grandfather had gained. He spend his whole life devoted to Christ and he was justly rewarded. He met the Lord at Heaven's gates and was told "Well done my good and faithful servant!" God also used this tragedy to re introduce me to Hope, and to know that even though things in my family had fallen apart, they could be repaired. God works in mysterious ways, but we have to ready for him to work in our lives, even looking for it. If we keep our heads in the sand we will miss out on the greatest gift.
Wow.. thanks for sharing such a personal story. Isn't it weird how God uses the low points (deserts) in our lives to shape and mold us? I feel like it's because when we're that 'low' it's easy for Him to reach us. Your story makes me think about the tattoo I've been debating... one of my favorite bible verses is Psalm 121:5 which says, "... the Lord is your shade at your right hand". To me this means that even in the deserts and terribly hot periods of life, the Lord is our shade. It also means that He's NEVER further away than your right hand. It's a great reminder for me :) Thanks again for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have times when we have avoided our Christianity when its inconvenient. I really appreciate the story you told about your grandfather. I love "the Shack" its a great book, so good its a mandatory read for Young Life leaders. I am so glad you could find hope even in the tragedy of your grandfathers death.
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